I have some spectacularly awesome friends. I wanted to start off by saying that. I will elaborate further at the end of this post.
Doof lost a very dear friend of his on the weekend. Someone he had never met in his life, but that doesn't lessen the impact her friendship had on him when they chatted each night for a vast number of years. We aren't sure how or why she died,and we only found out last night about the whole thing.
Unfortunately, yesterday wasn't a good day for me. I'd come home in the middle of the day, running a temperature, and suffering from chills, so I'd climbed into bed and tried to warm myself up with two doonas and a mink blanket on top of me. By the time doof got home, he says I was burning up, but you know, I didn't feel it.
So doof was sitting there on the computer when he received this news. But being sick, he didn't want to interrupt my sleep, and so suffered in his own silent pain until I stumbled awake and came to find him, at which point of time he shared the news.
We sent some flowers to her family in Malaysia this morning, and were notified that there would be a memorial service at her brother's place tonight at 9pm. Unfortunately, being in Malaysia, we weren't able to make it.
So I tried to think of something that would let doof know I was here for him. I know he has a tendency to hide himself away from his emotions and not talk about them. I didn't want him to shut me out whilst he contemplated on his own, although I know that he needs that time to formulate his thoughts. The only thing I could come up with was to have a memorial service of our own, here at home.
So I got together some candles, set them up for him with my amethyst and rose quartz pillars as well. Amethyst for healing, rose quartz for love. I suggested the idea to him in the hopes he wouldn't think it was tacky or a poor effort, and he seemed to really welcome the idea. So at 9pm, we had our own private memorial for her.
We sat there in silence, wrapped around each other and just contemplated various bits and pieces. I can't say for doof, I'm not too sure what he was thinking, but for me, it was definitely a time for reflection.
I know doof is going to miss her terribly. She was a wonderful friend to him, and they had many a good conversation over the years. He laughed frequently at the things she said and it gave him something to look forward to.
And it made me realise. I have a lot of friends out there whom I appreciate, and yet I never seem to tell them how much they mean to me. I have some absolutely awesome friends, who never ask me for more than I can give, without giving me back as much, and I never tell them. I have friends who love me unconditionally, and I never stop to tell them how much that means to me. Yet, there is every possibility they may be gone unexpectedly, today, tomorrow, next week, and that being the case, I still will never have told them how much they mean to me.
So to all of you out there, who are my friends, who have helped shape me into being the person I am, who have played some part in my life for whatever reason, no matter how big or small, thank you. To those I have hurt in the past, and to those I will hurt at some point of time, please know that despite those differences, I value the input you had in my life. To those who have laughed with me, cried with me and shared whatever part of my life with me, thank you. I am blessed to have you in my life. To all of you, you mean a lot to me, and without you, I would not be who I am. If you were to leave me tomorrow, I would never be the same person.
Doof, to you especially, I love you. With all my heart and soul. I hope you know this. I know what I did tonight was in no way enough to begin to cover how you feel, but I hope you know how much I love you, and that I am here for you when you are ready.